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Because practicing Muslims typically shun dating or sex before marriage, the banquets offer a possible, if imperfect, solution to what young Muslims in America say is an irksome problem: “It’s really hard to meet someone in this culture,” Osman said. Among immigrants and their children, there are also varying degrees of desire — and parental pressure — to stay true to some form of cultural heritage. In Osman’s view, his parents are an example of the kind of couple that “just grew to love each other.” They were married more than 30 years ago in Pakistan, in an arrangement orchestrated by relatives to serve practical needs more than romantic ideals. He wants that person to be a Muslim and a Pakistani American — but not a Pakistani.But even though they have lasted — raising three boys in northern California and climbing from the bottom rungs of the economic ladder into middle class prosperity — theirs is not the marriage Osman wants. He wants someone like him who was born and raised in the United States to immigrant parents, someone who is “on the same page.” “Looking for my Cinderella, I have her shoe ...” his online profiles read.Arham, a 26-year-old electrical engineer, had found similarly bad luck on the dating apps.Aisha, a 35-year-old interior designer, had attended two previous matrimonial banquets, but never really “clicked” with anyone.When you cross the threshold of their home, you’re an honored guest.

As a Muslim girl, I’ve been raised to not ask or expect.And you’ll experience something that’s so common in the rest of the world but rare in the States — you’ll experience the giving and sharing of time. This is where dating is about more than just courtship.Hours will pass over a cup of tea, with a spread of sweet almonds, dried fruits and biscuits while you linger from conversation to conversation. It’s about cherishing someone more intimately than the everyday.He has never really known his parents’ Pakistan, but he values his heritage and shares their desire to carry it on.The more vexing question is how to harness all of these things, how to find them in another person.




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